Daddy's Little Girl?

I couldn't recall a time when I was younger when life wasn't revolved around fear. Dad was angry all the time, and though there were happy times at home, even at the earliest age of 5 I knew any form happiness couldn't possibly last long before his rage and temper strikes.
But my childhood wasn't all tragic, I had a roof over my head, I was well fed, and I went to school. I was not deprived of material needs, though whatever was given had to be taken care of and kept neatly. I remember it clearly when my sister and I had lost our watches at school and we were left to search for them at the primary school grounds till dusk.
Adoloscence wasn't easy for us either. Raging rebelious hormones had kept me motivated to leave home,verbal abuse can only take you to a certain tolerance level. Any child in the right mind wouldn't want to be called unimaginable, unspeakable things. But despite all that, nothing had held me back from pouring my love and admiration for him.
Now as I grow older, fear is now replaced with tiredness, dissapointments and calculated blow-ups. But in my head, I thank God, for I would not have become the person that I am now if it was not for him. I wouldnt' have done well in school , I would not have been accepted to a prestigous secondary school and graduated with a first class degree to impress him. I would not have had decent job if it was not for him, and my constant drive to become financially independant especially, to be free of him.
Recent run of events however surprised me. It was unexpected that 2 days ago, after the tiring expected drama and his typical rage attacks, with tears rolling down my cheeks I said to him, " Daddy, I only ask you to give me support, and nothing more." And he kept silent.
That day, truthfully, I couldnt have imagined that the risik had gone as smooth. Upstairs, keeping an open ear, I sobbed as I heard him say to Edd's parents who came, " I trust Adrin as so far she has made good choices in the past and she knows what she wants. All kids are unique and one of a kind, and I only have her and her sister." And then he gave his blessing.
At that moment, I realised that I am, will still be his little girl regardless.

Operation H : The Challenge

Operation H was put on hold yet again. (Yea, excuses, excuses). I've been blaming my gastric attacks for more than a week now and even rude comments (from ignorant good for nothing people) had not succeeded in forcing me to pull myself together back to the gym. Whatever it is, I think I may be sabotaging myself here. And I have no idea why this is happening!

After watching Julie and Julia, I realised that I need to be constantly and continuously motivated to stay on track There is no other way, except to record my daily food intakes and exercises to keep focussed.

So here's my new MO:

1. Starting a real-time online loose weight journal (food, exercises and positive thoughts)

2. Gym after work everyday- consider serious personal trainer

3. DVD workouts at home every morning before work

3. Corsett to shape it up!

4. Look into possible diet regime (I'm thinking Herbalife, but doing a little bit more research)

5. Cut down on snacks (Chocs, ice cream- it's time to get serious)

Operation H is back in business, people! Yeaha!

The "Carrie" Inspiration

And what do I love most about Sex and the City? Was it Carrie Bradshaw's bold choice in outfits, heels and accessories? I definitely have to say, it is more than that. Truthfully, I envy her spirit in being true to herself. She admits her doubts, her flaws and picks herself up after each and every breakup she had with guys who turned out to be losers.

Fun and quirky, Carrie has never failed to crack me up with her witty jokes. Apart from what her Russian used to call her (the comic), she values her friends and embraces life in the most colourful way. She took risks in love.

And that is where an idea hit me. The Carrie Inspiration!

So what the heck is it? It's basically an idea to have an ensemble or selection of satc-inspired risik, engagement and bridal wear for the upcoming big day! I have to admit, it's definitely going to be rather tricky since I wear tudung, but I'm determined to make this work!

My 2 favourite characters in the series are Charlotte and Carrie, I'm thinking ...maybe a fun, playful baju kurung modern (with class, of course!) in pink and light green for the engagement and a tasteful pink and white for the wedding.

And the hunt is ON! Wish me luck!