It's 3.48 am and I couldnt force myself to sleep. All I could think of is how life changes so quickly, and sometimes,too quickly without us having time to value one of the the most important things that we should treasure. Friends that we love.
I have always considered myself to be a private person. Friends, I have plenty, but they come and go. Really good friends to me, are indeed rare to find. Without doubt, by growing older, priorities have changed. People I know either are far too engrossed in their career, work or starting families of their own. Watching from afar, I remember I was once in a void after being so hurt, where only me and my love existed, and nothing besides that mattered.
A good friend is getting married tomorrow. She and I- we used to stay up late at night, talking on the phone, sending each other postcards and gifts, but somehow along the way, our lives changed courses. Eventually there was not much left to share, not much left to say. It was a shame that the close bond of sisterhood and love that existed had faded over time, maybe it was partly our fault for the lack of courage to pick up the missing pieces, to start over. A common excuse was given, over and over like a mantra. But deep down both of us knew that nothing was a valid enough reason for us to have left things hanging as they were.
She might not be reading this, but I wish she knew how happy I am for her. That she has finally found someone to share her new beginning. My biggest prayer and hope goes out for her, that she will be well taken care of, may her new life glitters as she deserves nothing less than the best.
Cheers to the bride and groom.
*kisses*
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Chic on a Mission
It has been about a year since I have last worked out. Promised myself that today would be a brand new start~ Certainly had enough of complaining and being complacent. Deep down I knew that I am not happy with how I feel and look now, and I have been avoiding the weighing scale ever since! I guess it was because of the amount of time I have invested into achieving my goals- career in the oil and gas industry, completing my Masters.With Momo beside me and his support, I felt like I was invincible. I knew I could achieve absolutely anything that I put my mind into, as long as I am focussed and resilient.
So why the sudden anxiety and the desire for change? A lot has happened since I graduated (that was like, 6 months ago?). From love troubles to loosing focus, I figured all that has to boil down to one reason and one reason only. I am definitely not happy with myself. I have lacked the energy, drive and determination. In spite of the framed goals that I have intended to achieve and the roadmaps hung in my room, I seem to have lost sight of things. So now I have realised that time waits for no one. I can’t believe that I will turn 27 in just a few weeks and looking at the rate of things, I may have not achieved all that much.
It is such a shame that with each passing day, all I had been feeling was envy. People I know have travelled around the world, graduated from prestigious universities, living the glamourous dream life. Others had also moved on to becoming wives and mothers, a life which feels a little to unfamiliar for me. Is it possible to achieve it all, career, personal aspirations, family, and building the luxurious life I’ve always wanted? Strong, intelligent and aspiring women have done it.
Why can’t I?
Now it is time to put things into motion.
Come on, Adrin. Let’s not waste more precious time
Friday, December 18, 2009
The Funny Thing Called Love
My boyfriend Edd has recently posted an interesting read on the definitions of being in love, being loved and on top of all, LOVE in its highest form. Mine wouldn’t be as academic, but more on what I felt, what I have learnt and observed. Funny thing is, I am definitely no expert. My entire relationship (which was mostly long distance) had left me no option but to have faith and patience on the possibilities that may come.
It would be entirely devastating for me to relive the moments when I was back in Matrix. Being the eldest of two girls had not prepared me enough. Creatures of the opposite sex seemed alien back then, they were so intimidating, I was never comfortable around them. My lips would usually turn dry, and my throat would close up. Face burn incidents would be considered as a norm and hence, communication was impossible.
Being mostly shy and awkward, MiRC seemed to be the perfect world to find new friends, on top of keeping track of old ones, right after SPM. Never did I knew that it was where I would meet him. Quiet and mysterious, it never occurred to me that he would be the one.
The typical a/s/l introduction normally would tick me off from the start. But he was different in a lot of ways. We took our time expressing ourselves, talking about mostly anything, not getting into too much details about each other and I remember that it took me a while (after a few encounters) that I discovered what his name was. I was instantly hooked.
A traditionalist and shy in a lot of ways, I would normally wait patiently for him to greet me hello. Promising myself that I would never let him know how I would miss talking to him when daylight appears and when he was gone. We would spend hours on the internet chatting and laughing. I would normally tease him for being such a health freak (from the way he expressed himself I could tell he was a jock who played basketball) and I secretly hoped and prayed that he wouldn’t be too cute and out of my league.
Almost easily, dreams, hopes and fears were shared. After a few months of staying up late in the wee hours of practically every night talking, it was not until I had to leave for matrix that he decided to call. I was thrilled. Edd always took his time. From the very beginning I noticed that he never makes any decision in haste. Because of that, it was not until about a year later that I met him in person. I remember that it was practically the happiest day of my life. How perfect and adorable he was in his white t-shirt, jeans and shades, smiling at me for the first time. I couldn’t even find the courage to look at him in the eyes and flash him a smile. I was too shy.
Now eight years later, I could see that we have come a long way. Somehow, being with him, I always felt that I need to be the best that I can be. Each day passes and my love for him deepened. I knew in my heart that I have to be prepared for any heartbreak or disappointments. Recent tragedies had in a way affected me to be cynical towards love and romance, but promises were kept, and he stuck around, even during the most difficult of times. He was and still is my mentor, my rock, my guardian angel.
And I pray to Almighty God that I would soon be officially his.
Amin.
It would be entirely devastating for me to relive the moments when I was back in Matrix. Being the eldest of two girls had not prepared me enough. Creatures of the opposite sex seemed alien back then, they were so intimidating, I was never comfortable around them. My lips would usually turn dry, and my throat would close up. Face burn incidents would be considered as a norm and hence, communication was impossible.
Being mostly shy and awkward, MiRC seemed to be the perfect world to find new friends, on top of keeping track of old ones, right after SPM. Never did I knew that it was where I would meet him. Quiet and mysterious, it never occurred to me that he would be the one.
The typical a/s/l introduction normally would tick me off from the start. But he was different in a lot of ways. We took our time expressing ourselves, talking about mostly anything, not getting into too much details about each other and I remember that it took me a while (after a few encounters) that I discovered what his name was. I was instantly hooked.
A traditionalist and shy in a lot of ways, I would normally wait patiently for him to greet me hello. Promising myself that I would never let him know how I would miss talking to him when daylight appears and when he was gone. We would spend hours on the internet chatting and laughing. I would normally tease him for being such a health freak (from the way he expressed himself I could tell he was a jock who played basketball) and I secretly hoped and prayed that he wouldn’t be too cute and out of my league.
Almost easily, dreams, hopes and fears were shared. After a few months of staying up late in the wee hours of practically every night talking, it was not until I had to leave for matrix that he decided to call. I was thrilled. Edd always took his time. From the very beginning I noticed that he never makes any decision in haste. Because of that, it was not until about a year later that I met him in person. I remember that it was practically the happiest day of my life. How perfect and adorable he was in his white t-shirt, jeans and shades, smiling at me for the first time. I couldn’t even find the courage to look at him in the eyes and flash him a smile. I was too shy.
Now eight years later, I could see that we have come a long way. Somehow, being with him, I always felt that I need to be the best that I can be. Each day passes and my love for him deepened. I knew in my heart that I have to be prepared for any heartbreak or disappointments. Recent tragedies had in a way affected me to be cynical towards love and romance, but promises were kept, and he stuck around, even during the most difficult of times. He was and still is my mentor, my rock, my guardian angel.
And I pray to Almighty God that I would soon be officially his.
Amin.
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