The Journey To Self Discovery

A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's. Writing one’s own memoir or biography would not seem to be a conventional thing to do for a trained in-house lawyer, especially being only at the age of 27.

This may sound silly, but since the age of 19, I have seen and envisioned myself in a corporate suit hurrying off to work- carrying a briefcase and walking towards KLCC. I wanted to become someone important, someone who possesses great intellect not to mention a great communicator with impeccable linguistic skills. It might sound shallow, but I was young and naïve then, and the image did actually work in helping me manage the stresses of law school, nine months of chambering (in a middle sized law firm) and two years working in Telekom Malaysia as a Corporate Counsel. Indeed, being the eldest and the long history of lawyers in the family did help me realise my calling. I knew that reading law would become part of my journey in achieving the vision I had in mind.

After about 4 and a half years in the profession, although some considers age and experience to be the ultimate factors of growth, learning by observing the success and mistakes of my own and of others were also to me, considered key in the journey to self discovery.

Naturally for any young motivated executive starting a career in the oil and gas industry, each and every opportunity given was treated as a challenge, an adventure. And I was not excluded from feeling the same way.

It all started two years ago when I was first introduced to all staff including all General Managers of Legal Services Unit (LSU) of the 69th floor. Welcoming faces, friendly gestures and confident handshakes greeted me hello. I felt so much positive energy and conversation was effortless. An unforgettable encounter stunned me when I introduced myself to one of the GMs (perhaps it was due to bad timing at that time). But the bitter-painful experience taught me the valuable lesson of the need to be strong willed, determined, regardless of what a person may perceive at first glance. It was important to prove my worth; and serving PETRONAS Dagangan Berhad (PDB) was to me, an excellent opportunity to do the same.

I was assigned to handle Contracts and Procurement matters in my first six months of working in PDB. It was an eye opener on how close and exposed the lawyers were to the clients in PDB, as compared to how it was in the old company I was from. I observed that most lawyers back in the old company were secluded in their own floors, kept away from the world, constantly preparing documents and were called and consulted only when required, usually when contracts are needed to be finalised, or when issues have escalated beyond repair. Perhaps, it was the young executives who were hardly put in the limelight as they lack the support and opportunity to handle high profile matters. Hence, the exposure to young lawyers was lacking and opportunity was scarce. It was in fact PETRONAS’ comprehensive learning and human capital development programme which was the main reason for me in opting to apply in joining PETRONAS.

My service in PDB as a legal officer taught me the invaluable experience of being constantly on my toes, being relentlessly ready for “battle” at any time due the nature of the company’s business and its risk of exposure. Managing expectations of clients and the boss was also considered as a challenge for me. Over the span of my first year, responsibilities increased, my portfolio widened and I felt more and more acquainted with the business and its lingo and what was expected from me in carrying out my tasks.

I am thankful that my direct superior has entrusted me to handle numerous key assignments which I never would have the opportunity of handling. I was assigned to deliver findings of key due diligence within a ridiculously short span of time (which I ended up being so thankful for as I had learned a lot on land issues in Sarawak), the preparation of Annual Reports, organising the company’s Annual General Meeting, handling massive company secretarial and corporate matters, industrial relations, attended negotiations with multinational companies including numerous document preparations (from simple, to high level complex transactions and arrangements).

Becoming an in house counsel of PDB had also taught me that lawyers should be business enablers, commercial savvy and that clients no matter of what rank (GMs and MD/CEOs included), considers your advice as the best as what is needed in protecting the interest of the Company. Knowledge of the business is indeed important in ensuring that every strategy, approach and decision is made in line with the direction where the company is heading.

From the first day of me joining the company, I knew, and constantly reminded myself that each calculative move, each step is known to be observed, monitored and evaluated. The passion for the law and burning desire to serve the company and ultimately the nation had taken me beyond what I imagined was possible.

Being an in house counsel of a public listed company of PETRONAS without a doubt was harder than I thought. But without any regrets, I was exposed to so much, in so little time. It was (and still is) an extraordinary experience being part of an excellent team of lawyers.

Compared to what I was 10 years ago, the awkward and shy teenager would not have thought that she was capable of negotiating terms of contracts against giant companies or international entities including lawyers with vast experiences way ahead of her years.

Hence, nobody should be allowed to feel small, incapable, inadequate or simply not good enough. I believe in the continuous learning in enfolding one’s true potential and in overcoming any fear. Each and every person deserves the opportunity to learn, and with that, mistakes would be inevitable. It is therefore important that this be embraced, and not be penalised, stigmatised and judged instead.

Growing with the company and to aspire become the crem de la crem is definitely my ultimate goal and aspiration. For that reason, it must be realised that each plays their role in contributing, no matter how small it may seem in one’s perspective from the high up.

Lucky

Let's face it. Nothing comes easy in life. Indeed, it is the painstaking efforts, the sacrifices, the blood, sweat and tears shed which allowed one to truly appreciate his/her own success.

But how do you explain those people who were just born lucky, talented, rich and famous without a worry in the world? (or so it seemed?) What about people who are just plain geniuses and so intelligent that they need not work half as hard, compared to others who simply had no choice but to put in the extra hours? What is it also about the mambo jambos going around about “visualising” and “believing” in your dreams and that eventually those would come “rolling” to you and the universe would somehow work its way to help you achieve what you want?

I have always believed that those are partly true. By believing in your heart that you are capable and worthy of something, eventually your actions would reflect your goals and whatever you do would be in pursuit of them, be it a new a car, a job promotion, having a loving, happy family, losing weight, a new house or even that outrageously expensive handbag you’ve had your eyes on. There is no such thing as sitting around, waiting for it to come true. It takes work, determination and one’s willingness to endure possible disappointments- sometimes, success may not make its first visit. I’ve discovered that one can have it all, sooner or later. It may not be as perfectly as pictured, but it can be nearly as wonderful.

You are in fact what you believe you are. And "Luck" might not be it at all.

Chic on a Mission

It has been about a year since I have last worked out. Promised myself that today would be a brand new start~ Certainly had enough of complaining and being complacent. Deep down I knew that I am not happy with how I feel and look now, and I have been avoiding the weighing scale ever since! I guess it was because of the amount of time I have invested into achieving my goals- career in the oil and gas industry, completing my Masters.With Momo beside me and his support, I felt like I was invincible. I knew I could achieve absolutely anything that I put my mind into, as long as I am focussed and resilient.

So why the sudden anxiety and the desire for change? A lot has happened since I graduated (that was like, 6 months ago?). From love troubles to loosing focus, I figured all that has to boil down to one reason and one reason only. I am definitely not happy with myself. I have lacked the energy, drive and determination. In spite of the framed goals that I have intended to achieve and the roadmaps hung in my room, I seem to have lost sight of things. So now I have realised that time waits for no one. I can’t believe that I will turn 27 in just a few weeks and looking at the rate of things, I may have not achieved all that much.

It is such a shame that with each passing day, all I had been feeling was envy. People I know have travelled around the world, graduated from prestigious universities, living the glamourous dream life. Others had also moved on to becoming wives and mothers, a life which feels a little to unfamiliar for me. Is it possible to achieve it all, career, personal aspirations, family, and building the luxurious life I’ve always wanted? Strong, intelligent and aspiring women have done it.

Why can’t I?

Now it is time to put things into motion.

Come on, Adrin. Let’s not waste more precious time